Jon Paul Fiorentino

How To Make An E-Book In 8 Easy Steps

E-books are all the rage. They make us smarter, better, and more attractive people. Have you ever yearned to make your very own e-book? If you haven’t, then you are probably some sort of elitist asshole. Well, with these 8 easy steps, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a true literary pioneer like me or the great Shelley Hitz! You can make your own e-book and finally prove your various social workers, youth pastors, and parole officers wrong.

8 Easy Steps to Publishing Your E-Book

1. Feed assembled knowledge (currently in book form) into a giant mega computer.
2. Transfer the knowledge onto magnetic tape.
3. Transform the information from the tape into static cosmic energy.
4. Discharge the static cosmic energy into a tiny information storage module.
NOTE: Once you have obtained the sphere containing the assembled knowledge, you must escape to another galaxy.
5. Enter rocket.
6. Blast off.
7. As you leave your planet, watch it explode.
8. Shed a single tear and say farewell to everything.

These instructions are also available as a video tutorial.


Al Guest, “Dementia Five,” Rocket Robin Hood (Season 3, 1968)

- Jon Paul Fiorentino*

*Certified author and publishing coach (certification pending from the Central Hawaii Institute of Technical Writing and Psychic Podiatry)

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Jon Paul Fiorentino is a writer and editor. His first novel is "Stripmalling" (ECW, 2009). His most recent book of poetry is "The Theory of the Loser Class" (Coach House Books, 2006). He is the author of the poetry book "Hello Serotonin" (Coach House Books, 2004) and the humour book "Asthmatica" (Insomniac Press, 2005). His most recent editorial projects are the anthologies "Career Suicide! Contemporary Literary Humour" (DC Books, 2003) and "Post-Prairie" - a collaborative effort with Robert Kroetsch (Talonbooks, 2005). He lives in Montreal where he teaches writing at Concordia University and is the Editor of Matrix magazine.