Erik Rutherford

O Mighty Techno Viking! A Cento


Matthias Fritsch, “Techno Viking @ FP” (2000)

A cento is a poem made up of verses from other poems (from the Greek κεντονιον, says Wikipedia).

The text below is comprised entirely of phrases taken from the YouTube Text Comments section of this video of Techno Viking.

With the exception of some punctuation, I have added or changed nothing. I have simply assembled the comments of 46 different people into an order:

“WTF is going on in this video? Guy does something to girl. Techno Viking lays the smack down. He was ready to fight but then he just walked it off with a little twist. He’s marching in the Fuck Parade (that’s the real name) in Berlin, Germany to protest the ban on rave music that had been in place. The parade continues to exist to celebrate the music. It’s a like the Love Parade.

This video makes me happy in pants. I like how he is just dancing. This guy is pure intensity! His energy level is over 9000! Holy jesus he’s goood! I swear, I love this guy! I want to be this guy! This guy is dope! Rambo, only cooler and no shirt. BEOWULF! The Obama of Techno. The character from Mercenaries. Onebadassmotherfucker. I wish he was my Dad.

Dammit I wish someone could hand me upside down water! So I can dance like that. I’ve never seen any one hand over a water bottle in such a badass way in my life!

Do not want to meet Techno Viking in the following locations: Dark Alley, Medieval Battlefield, Moshpit, Rugby field, Football field, in a public dressing room, in a Butcher shop, in a morgue. I wonder if Techno Viking could take Chuck Norris.

Whenever I’m lazy I watch this… and my ass corrects itself. It’s that cool-probably the most masculine thing ever. I could look at those jiggling pecs for hours. When he points at 1:03 his awesomeness overpowers my heterosexuality and makes me pop a huuge boner! I bet his cock is 12″ long. We need more Techno Vikings in the world. When the revolution comes I’m on his side… Fight the good fight. Bang the groovy chick off scene. Destroying Scientology! I for one, welcome our new Techno Viking overlord. C’mon Hollywood: Techno Viking — The Movie.

WTF? I would beat the shit out of that guy if he went prancing down my street like that. Fuck the Techno Viking. Kimbo would kick his ass anyway…. Hail Odin, Thor, Balder, Tyr, Heimdal, Loki. Death to false pagans. Honor and blood. And blue-haired faggotress should kill itself.

You dare to presume you can speak like this of the Techno Viking? Techno Viking will wave his Nordic hand of rhythmic techno power and reduce you to a pile of glitter. He will then pick up that glitter that used to be you and sprinkle it over his minions. You will then spend eternity as decoration on the bodies of pulsing ravers! Techno Viking is KING! Techno Viking doesn’t dance to the music, the music dances to Techno Viking! IMPREGNATE ME O MIGHTY TECHNO VIKING! HUMANITY LOVES YOU AND NEEDS YOU!

I wonder who the Techno Viking is in real life…”

- Erik Rutherford

  • Hamster

    Funny idea! Totally exposes the coinage of the Youtuber brain. A lot of cheap alloy obvoiusly. Sad, lonely people.

  • http://ryeberg.com/author/jowita-bydlowska/ Jowita Bydlowska

    Brilliant!

  • Christina Nick

    I met the Techno Viking in person in an isolated corner of Iceland (where isnt it isolated there you may ask) and he joined me and Dom in a natural hotspring next to the subzero waters of the Arctic Ocean. At the time he was wearing pelts and fur, but had the braided goatee, and soon was as naked as we were in the hot water. He was on his way to an island where a Viking festival was taking place.

    • http://ryeberg.com/author/erik-rutherford/ Erik Rutherford

      Is this the end of the story?

  • http://ryeberg.com/author/mitu-sengupta/ Mitu Sengupta

    I don’t know what inspired me to watch this at 2:00am. But here I am: alone with the Techno Viking. I finally “get” the YouTube generation.

  • http://ryeberg.com/ Ryeberg

    The man who is Techno Viking has decided to sue the original uploader of this video.

    http://www.aux.tv/2013/01/more-than-a-decade-later-techno-viking-takes-original-uploader-to-court/

    This is a baffling decision on his part.

Ryeberg Curator Bio

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Erik Rutherford is the creator and editor of Ryeberg, and a sometimes contributor. He has written for newspapers, magazines and the big screen. He worked in radio while living in Paris (1997-2005) with his radio shows broadcast on several French stations, including Radio France Internationale. He lives in Toronto.